


Mist

by toxic_corn



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M, POV River Tam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-20
Updated: 2007-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-06 10:38:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5413667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_corn/pseuds/toxic_corn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River has this dream... Then she and Jayne are separated from the others during a mission. So much déjà vu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A River-centric piece that funnily enough, came to me in a dream.

When River dreams, it’s in vibrant color. Cold blue, violent red, orange pain. It’s often upsetting, always confusing, nightmares manufactured by the Academy and slid into her brain neatly between knowledge of deadly martial arts and quantum physics. She knows when the dreams will come. Those are the nights that Simon nearly loses his patience with her, trying to get her to go to sleep so he can have a few hours of peace. She knows when the dreams will come; nothing is ever a surprise.

 

So River was understandably perplexed by this latest dream. It’s very simple. She stands in the middle of a white mist and can’t see more than a few inches in front of her. Instead of feeling cold in this mist, she feels warm. Comfortable. And safe. Safe isn’t something she feels often, so in this dream world she hugs herself and relishes the feeling.

 

Something’s ahead in this mist but she doesn’t get the sense that it’s malevolent. Quite the opposite. Whatever is out there wants to get to her, and she to it, but the mist is too strong. She longs for that entity just beyond but no matter how far she walks, hands outstretched, she can never reach it.

 

For some reason, this doesn’t frustrate her. It’s almost expected. _It isn’t time, yet._

 

~*~

 

“River?”

 

Instantly awake, her eyes opened and she blinked owlishly at the light pouring in from the opened doorway.

 

Simon. “River, the others are ready to go; I’ve let you sleep too long. They’re waiting for you.”

 

River sat up and stared thoughtfully at the foot of the bed. “I’ll have to get dressed,” she mused.

 

“What you have on is fine,” Simon said, sounding nervous. He always sounded that way before she went out on a job. “Put your boots on before you go.”

 

She got out of bed obediently enough but ignored the boots Simon held out to her. Girls her age were supposed to rebel. Since she couldn’t stay out late at parties, this was her small attempt at rebellion. Judging by the look on Simon’s face, it was having its desired effect and she grinned on her way out to the cargo bay.

 

“There ya are,” the captain called from the mule once she’d arrived. Zoe and Jayne were settling in, loading their weapons and holstering them. “Climb aboard and let’s get this thing done.”

 

Simon gave her a hand up into the mule next to Jayne, though she really didn’t need it. “Be careful, River,” Simon said. “Stay close to the captain and do as he says.”

 

River stared hard at her brother. “Worrying gives you wrinkles.”

 

The mule came to life and out they went through Serenity’s open door and into the darkness of very early morning.

 

~*~

 

“Hell, we gotta walk into town, now?” Jayne complained loudly. “Why for?”

 

“Folks in town don’t have any kind of transport, Jayne,” Zoe said with strained patience. “We come in on this, no one’s gonna talk to us.”

 

“Not lookin’ ta make friends anyhow,” Jayne snapped.

 

“No, contacts,” Mal said, cheerfully. “So shut up or you can walk back to the ship, too.”

 

Wisely, Jayne was silent. He didn’t even grumble as they walked toward the town, though River could still hear it in her head as she stared at his back. It was amusing at first but she grew weary of his mental tirade by the third loop.

 

“Sir!” Zoe called tersely from up ahead. Her tone caught River’s attention and she looked to where the first mate was pointing.

 

They had been walking uphill and pouring down on them was a thick fog that reminded River of the foam that the waves made slamming into the seashore. She and Simon used to play in the ocean on the hottest days during their childhood and this familiar sight made her smile.

 

“Just what we need,” the captain groaned. “Everyone stay together!”

 

The fog rolled over them and everything around River was blotted out with white. Jayne seemed to disappear before her eyes and she was surprised by how distressed this made her feel.

 

She looked around her, breathing hard and fast through her mouth. This was so like her dream and yet so dissimilar. The warmth and well-being were absent as she shivered, goose bumps pebbling her skin. Perhaps she should’ve rebelled against Simon by taking an extra minute to put on a sweater; her sleeveless dress didn’t do much to protect her from the elements.

 

Rubbing at her arms, she listened to the others but they were starting to sound farther and farther away. _I’m right here!_ she wanted to shout but she was afraid that the wall of the fog would bounce the sound back at her, mocking her with her own voice.

 

“I’m right here,” she whispered. “I’m right here, I’m right here, I’m right-”

 

A hand shot out of the fog and clamped around her elbow, making her shriek in surprise.

 

“Oh, it’s you.” Jayne stepped into view, looking as disappointed as he’d sounded. “The others done wandered off. We’re gonna go on ahead into town. You know the way, right?”

 

She thought about it a moment and nodded.

 

“Then lead the way,” Jayne said shortly, obviously not liking her being somewhat in charge. “We’ll meet up with Zoe ‘n Mal once we get there. They’ll stumble their way in prob’ly long after us."

 

With a sharp bark of laughter, Jayne kept his grip on River as she led the way toward town, feeling a bit warmer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has this dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funnily enough, based on a dream I had recently. My subconscious wants Rayne, I guess, so I'm back after not really a break at all.

Jayne seemed surprised when River successfully led them out of the fog and onto the town’s main dirt road. The surprise he felt was insulting; again and again she had proven to have superior abilities, so why did he persist in seeing her as the shrinking, quivering wreck she’d been when she’d first boarded _Serenity_?

 

“Well, I dunno ‘bout you, but I’m tired,” Jayne said after he’d hastily released her elbow. “I’m gonna go find a hotel or somethin’.” He left her standing there to make up her own mind what to do. It felt strange; she was used to being directed or gently coaxed this way and that.

 

After a moment of hesitation, she followed Jayne, keeping a few wary steps behind him.

 

A gray-haired man came out of a building just ahead and propped the door open with a beat-up wooden stop. He heard the two of them approach and turned to greet them with a smile on his face. It faltered upon seeing Jayne, something River recollected always happened when they were among strangers.

 

“How can I help you folks?” the man asked tentatively.

 

“Need me a room,” Jayne grunted. “How much?”

 

The man looked from Jayne to River. “A room for you and the young lady?”

 

Jayne jerked a little, startled, and glanced over his shoulder at her, almost as if he’d forgotten she was there. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “Better make that two beds. How much’ll that set me back?”

 

The man named a price that made Jayne scowl. “Got any coin?” He didn’t take his eyes off the nervous man, but it was clear he was speaking to River.

 

“I have no pockets,” she pointed out.

 

“Don’t that figure. One bed, then.”

 

The man’s friendly yet cautious expression changed. “I’ll need to see a marriage certificate.”

 

“A what?” Jayne’s voice went up an octave. It would’ve been funny if it hadn’t been… well, no. It was funny. River giggled into her hand.

 

“A marriage certificate,” the man said, stubbornly, though he wisely looked a little worried. “I run a family business here.”

 

Jayne’s mouth opened and shut, unable to process what was happening. But River knew eventually the hamster would start running on its little wheel again and Jayne would pull his gun on the little man. Though the hotel manager was a prudish morality hound, River didn’t want to see his blood spilled so she knew she had to step in.

 

“We can’t be legally wed,” River told the man calmly. “Uncles and nieces entering holy wedlock is frowned upon where we’re from.”

 

It was now the man’s turn for speechlessness.

 

“Or are you folks here backwards enough to allow that kinda thing?” Jayne added, warming to her story. “Cuz we can go get that done once the town hall opens up. Can’t say as my sister’ll be too keen on the idea, but if that’s what it’ll take for her girl and her brother to get a room in this podunk town...”

 

“No, no, that won’t be necessary,” the man said quickly. “Come in, I’m sure we can find something for you. I-I didn’t mean to offend.”

 

After signing the guest register as “Jack Meoff,” Jayne was handed the key to a two bedroom suite for the price of one bed on account of the misunderstanding.

 

They climbed the staircase to their floor and once they were out of earshot, Jayne started to chuckle. “Uncles and nieces. That was some fast thinkin’,” Jayne said. The appreciation in his tone confused her, having never heard anything like it from him before. So she chose not to respond.

 

Jayne didn’t seem to notice her silence as they found the room and he unlocked the door. Yawning, he went right in and tossed the keys on the dresser in a familiar way, like this room had always been his.

 

“Dibs,” Jayne announced and sank onto the bed closest to the heater.

 

River quietly shut and locked the door and by the time she’d curled up on the other bed, Jayne was snoring.

~*~

Two hours and twenty-three minutes later, River opened her eyes, realizing that she’d fallen asleep. She stared up at the water-stained ceiling and remembered that she’d come to this hotel with Jayne.

 

Turning her head, she saw by the thin stream of sunlight coming in through a crack in the curtains that Jayne’s bed was empty.

 

“Jayne?” River sat up and noticed white, wispy steam coming from the bottom of the closed bathroom door.

 

He must be taking a shower. That sounded like a wonderful idea and her pores started begging to be drenched in warm water. For obvious reasons, water was strictly rationed on _Serenity_. A leisurely, warm shower that wasn’t cut off short by the captain banging on the door shouting that water wasn’t cheap was a rare treat.

 

She sat and watched the steam as it continued to drift out under the door. The steam seemed to form fingers that beckoned to her and without much thought, River slid out from under the covers and padded to the bathroom.

 

 _What are you doing?_ the Simon in her head wailed. _If there’s steam, he’s taking a shower. Which means_ nakedness. _Don’t you dare open that door!_

 

A wicked smile made River’s mouth curve upwards. Discarded boots were paltry. _This_ was the perfect rebellion. Her hand curled around the doorknob and before her mental Simon could start up again, the door was open.

 

Once inside with the door shut, she entertained the notion that this was like her dream again, but discarded the thought as soon as it came. There was warmth, yes, but there was also a humidity in the air. Besides, the steam was nowhere thick enough to obscure her vision; she could make out the vanity mirror, the countertop with a disposable razor on it, and the closed shower curtain, behind which Jayne was singing a bawdy drinking song that would’ve made her blush five years ago.

 

She rolled her eyes at the colorful lyrics. Perhaps she’d stay and listen then perform it for Simon later. This impulsive attempt at rebellion was paying off well.

 

_“River, where did you learn that awful song?!”_

_“From Jayne. In the shower.”_

 

Suddenly, the third verse ended abruptly as Jayne burst into a frenzy of swearing. His hand shot out from behind the curtain, through the steam, and grasped futilely at the air.

 

Déjà vu made River’s eyes widen and she took a step back, thinking he was looking for her.

 

Irrational, she chided herself when she saw the towel ring on the wall that Jayne’s groping hand kept missing. Taking pity on him, she came forward and handed the towel to him.

 

Growling, the hand disappeared with its prize and River assumed that would be the end of it, but the curtain rings screamed as the plastic sheet was ripped back.

 

Jayne rubbed at his bloodshot eyes with the towel angrily, glaring at her. “The hell’re you doin’ in here?” he demanded.

 

River was wondering the same thing herself. Then she remembered that showers meant nakedness and immediately set to observing her first flesh and blood naked man.

 

His chest was wide and covered with dark hair which tapered into a thin line at his flat belly, leading down to…

 

Huh. This one didn’t look anything like the medical textbook illustrations she’d seen. Under her scrutiny, Jayne’s appendage twitched on its own accord and she jumped in surprise, her startled gaze lifting to his.

 

“Got what you came for?” he asked with a smirk. He didn’t wait for a response and closed the curtain again, resuming his interrupted shower.

 

Heart racing, River moved back to lean against the counter, trying to catch her breath. It was difficult to do in such a moist environment, she told herself.

 

A few moments later, the water cut off. “You still there?” Jayne called.

 

River cleared her throat. “Yes.”

 

“Get me a towel, will ya?”

 

River chose one of the fluffy white towels from the rack beside her and handed it in to him, not peeking. He stepped out of the tub a moment later with the towel slung long around his waist, rubbing his hair dry with the smaller towel.

 

“Shower’s yours if ya want it,” Jayne said, rubbing a clear space on the mirror so he could consider his goatee. Their eyes met in the mirror and he looked away, picking up his razor. “Well, go on.”

 

He wasn’t watching. Not out of nobility or decency like the captain, but out of apathy. He didn’t care to see her naked, or rather, he had seen her without clothing once and that had been more than enough. He was now ignoring her, overlooking her like a piece of furniture or a nuisance pet.

 

Clenching her jaw, River unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor, ordering herself not to blush.

 

The sound of the material slithering to the tile floor drew Jayne’s attention and he looked up briefly only to look away again, expecting her to turn her back to hide while she removed her underwear.

 

So River stubbornly held her ground as she unclasped her bra and dropped it to the floor on top of her dress.

 

She had his attention now. Surprise kept his eyes on her. Waiting until his gaze lifted from her chest to her face, she hooked her fingers into the waistband of her white underpants and slowly pulled them down.

 

Jayne visibly swallowed and River just barely managed to keep from crowing in victory. Instead, she kept her manner cool and dismissive.

 

“There had better be hot water left,” she said and stepped into the shower, closing the curtain. As she yanked the tap to H as far as it would go, River felt like she’d just passed a test of some sort.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has this dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funnily enough, based on a dream I had recently. My subconscious wants Rayne, I guess, so I'm back after not really a break at all.

River took her time drying off and dressing once more. Disrobing in front of Jayne had been naughty and fun, but she didn’t feel ready to face him again.

 

_That’s always been your problem, River._ Her inner Simon sounded a bit smug as he scolded her. _You rarely ever consider the consequences of your actions._

 

Squeezing her wet hair out on the floor, River decided that she’d stalled for long enough. Jayne was most likely going to be crabby and impatient now. She opened the bathroom door cautiously and poked her head out into their room, expecting him to growl out an insult as soon as he saw her.

 

Instead, he stood calmly by the window smoking a cigar. He turned when he heard her. “You done already?” he asked mildly.

 

“Yes. There wasn’t any shampoo,” she said and immediately felt foolish.

 

“Was gonna warn you ‘bout that, but…” He trailed off and put out the end of his cigar with this callused fingertips then slid it into his pocket for later. “Was thinkin’ we wait for Mal ‘n Zoe at the bar.”

 

River frowned. “It’s nine a.m.”

 

“So? Like the man said, it’s five o’clock somewheres.” Jayne strode to the door and threw it open, leaving it ajar as he expected her to follow.

 

Now he cared what she did? Amazing what revealing a little flesh could do.

 

No. That wasn’t fair. River followed Jayne and considered his back for the second time that morning. More had happened in that bathroom than she realized. It would take time to puzzle it all out.

 

Passing through the lobby, the owner looked up to watch them. Jayne fixed him with a cold hard stare and the man quickly lowered his head, face flushing.

 

“He’s ignorant,” River said once they were outside. “The schools here aren’t what they could be. We should be kind.”

 

Jayne snorted, setting off down the main street, on the lookout for a bar. “ _We_ should keep our opinions to our own selves.”

 

River stopped in her tracks. “Jayne.”

 

“What? I ain’t gonna play nice with that pious son of a-”

 

“The bar’s in the other direction.”

 

“Oh.”

 

~*~

 

At this early hour in the morning, there weren’t many people in the bar. Just three men on stools sipping their drinks as far as they could get from one another. They didn’t look up when River and Jayne came through the door.

 

Jayne chose a booth and sat down, looking around tensely before relaxing a fraction. River watched him in interest. He knew Mal and Zoe weren’t drinkers. At least, not to the degree that he was. Yet here they were, waiting for them in a bar, the one place one could be sure to find Jayne. In a way it was clever; instead of looking for the others the others could find them. Considering if this move was deliberate or not…

 

“What’ll ya take?” the bartender called to them.

 

“Whisky sour,” Jayne answered.

 

“Two?”

 

Jayne looked at her questioningly and she shook her head. “Alcohol doesn’t react well with my medication.”

 

“Right.” Jayne nodded and called to the bartender, “Whiskey sour ‘n a brown cow for the girl.”

 

“I don’t care for beef,” River told him seriously. For some reason he started to chuckle, making River frown. She _didn’t_ care for beef. Not since she’d communed with some cattle the crew had transported once. Kept in captivity only to be killed, changed from one form to another and thereby losing what you once were… River was all too familiar with that.

 

She had been so lost in her thoughts, it felt like no time had passed at all when she was jolted out of herself by the bartender setting two glasses on their table. He placed a spoon next to her glass.

 

“Eat it,” Jayne said, picking up his glass. “You can pay me back for it later.”

 

River looked down into the glass, bemused. A white lump of vanilla ice cream floated in a sea of murky brown soda water. She’d never seen such a thing before. Experimentally, she pushed down on the ice cream and it disappeared under the brown waves, immediately bobbing back up to the surface. Her bemusement was quickly replaced by giddy amusement.

 

“What?” Jayne asked, watching her closely.

 

“My food is buoyant,” she explained.

 

“Are ya gonna play with it or eat it?”

 

She tilted her head to the side. “One or the other? I can’t choose both?”

 

“I don’t care what ya do,” he said, suddenly looking tired.

 

River picked up her spoon and took a cautious taste. She didn’t think she cared much for the soda but it was very palatable when mixed with the ice cream.

 

“Thank you for my delicious floating snack, Jayne,” she said, remembering her manners.

 

“Thought you’d like it,” he replied. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth and was gone.

 

Suddenly, River was possessed with the silly urge to lean across the table and lick the smile out of hiding. The thought made her face warm. This was turning out to be a very peculiar day.

 

“Think I’m gonna talk to that gent behind the counter awhile.” Jayne stood up. “Gotta make contacts ‘n I don’t think that hotel man’s our best friend quite yet. You all right here on your own?”

 

She nodded and he turned to go.

 

“Wait!”

 

“What?”

 

River stood as well and ripped some fabric from her skirt. She felt Jayne’s gaze on her thighs and felt dizzy, holding her bit of dress out to him.

 

“The hell?” he asked, looking mystified.

 

“It’s a token. For luck.”

 

Jayne shook his head. “You really are nuttier than a fruitcake, aren’t you?” But he took her offering and stuffed it into his pocket on the way to the bar.

 

River sat back down and looked at her half-eaten brown cow. The glass had misted up. With a trembling finger, she traced “R + J” on its cool surface. As soon as she’d written it, it started to fade.

 

Frowning, River held the glass up, squinting to see the letters but they were gone. Instead, she was peering through clear glass at Jayne. He was talking quietly with the bartender but glanced her way when he felt like he was being watched. Then, in a move that baffled her, he raised his glass to her and finished the rest of his whiskey.

 

_Put your glass down, River_ , inner Simon said with a sigh.

 

Oh. Blushing, she lowered her glass and Jayne grinned before going back to his conversation.

 

River focused her attention back on her breakfast. It was hardly the most nutritious she’d ever had but she’d liked it very much. Jayne had been right. Would wonders never cease?

 

The bar door opened just then and in walked the captain and Zoe.

 

“See, what’d I tell you, Zoe?” the captain drawled. “Wettin’ his whistle on my time.”

 

“Your time gets to be my time when you lose your ass in the fog,” Jayne growled.

 

“Well, we got ourselves unlost. Zoe and me met some nice folks on the edge of town willin’ ta hide us after this next job. Mission accomplished, back to the ship.” He turned and walked back out, immediately followed by Zoe.

 

“Did I call that or what?” Jayne said smugly when River stood up and crossed over to him.

 

“You did. I’m very impressed.” River smiled and followed him outside. “It seems you’re wise in ways that I’m not.”

 

Jayne paused as he was climbing into the mule. “You sayin’ I’m smarter than you?”

 

“Yes, in that particular arena, you’re very wi-”

 

“Hey, Mal! I’m smarter than a genius! The girl said!”

 

Mal raised his eyebrow as Zoe started the mule up. “Well, the girl also happens to be crazy, so I’d take that with a big ol’ heapin’ pile o’ salt.”

 

River couldn’t help giggling as Jayne sulked the whole way home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has this dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funnily enough, based on a dream I had recently. My subconscious wants Rayne, I guess, so I'm back after not really a break at all.

Jayne’s interaction with River had subtly changed since their last mission. It had been two weeks since they had shared the hotel room, two weeks since the brown cow. And things were different.

 

No longer did he regard her with suspicion when she entered a room. He didn’t glare at her during meals or ignore her when she spoke and when the captain asked for her advice, he didn’t roll his eyes and snort loudly.

 

It was as if Jayne finally saw her as a person, complete and whole. But perhaps there was something else going on as well.

 

One night after her mist dream, River went out to the cargo bay to relax, maybe lay down on Jayne’s weight bench and imagine him there, the sound of his harsh breathing as he mumbled his number of reps flowing into her ears.

 

She was surprised to find Jayne there already. He sat on the edge of the seat, fingering the scrap of her dress she’d given him. His expression was inscrutable and River wanted to go to him, touch his brow, and learn what was making him look so troubled.

 

At the height of her longing, Jayne startled her by looking up. She expected him to put the scrap away but he didn’t. He just looked at her for a long moment, expecting her to speak.

 

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said. Had to say.

 

He nodded as if in agreement.

 

Not knowing what else to do, she backed away and returned to her room, blushing.

 

She was center stage and he had his spotlight shining on her face. What was she to do now that she was visible?

 

~*~

 

The next day was a bad day. She still had those from time to time, though much less often than previously. She would walk the ship on bad days as if in a fog, mind wrapped in cotton, unsure of what was real.

 

This day was worse than the bad days and River ended up screaming, trying to shake her brain loose of the cotton, the fog. She could hear shouts from the others and she started sobbing in relief. She wasn’t expected to get through this alone; her family was with her. She could feel their hands on her, misunderstanding why she was crying. Then the bite of Simon’s needle and she drifted into unconsciousness.

 

~*~

 

River was back in the warm mist. The benign entity was close, much closer than before. When she reached out towards it, the air felt warmer, as if her fingertips were just centimeters from a warm body. If she just moved forward a bit more, reached out a little further…

 

The longing she felt brought tears to her eyes.

 

“Please come to me,” she pleaded. “I can’t reach.” As soon as she spoke, she knew the words did no good. It still wasn’t time yet.

 

“But soon?” she asked, hopefully. Warmth immediately flooded through her being and she laughed at the sensation. Yes. Soon. Very soon.

 

~*~

 

She woke by herself in the infirmary.

 

“Oh I see,” she said softly. “It’s a metaphor.”

 

Simon appeared in the doorway. “ _Mei mei_ how are you feeling?” He asked, going to her side. “You had us all very worried.”

 

“I’m better,” she assured him and sat up without his assistance. “Where is everyone?”

 

“They’re upstairs having supper. I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry when you woke up, but I set some aside for you to eat when you were ready.”

 

“I’m hungry now,” she said.

 

Simon helped her up the stairs and though she didn’t say, she felt grateful for the help. The medication had left her a little dizzy, but still hungry. She wondered how long she’d been asleep, wandering through her dream fog.

 

Everyone looked up from their dinner and conversation when she came into the room. They all greeted her warmly and the captain pulled her chair out for her. One voice alone was silent as the others spoke, updating her on what she had missed while she was away.

 

River met Jayne’s eyes as Simon set her plate in front of her. “I’ll be ready soon.”

 

“River? What are you talking about?”

 

She ignored everyone’s confusion as she continued to stare at Jayne. Their confusion wasn’t relevant; her message wasn’t for them. It only mattered if Jayne understood.

 

Though his mouth stayed a straight line, his eyes smiled.

 

THE END


End file.
